There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
