I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
