Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
