I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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