the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
