How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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