You made me cry and you don't even care
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
