I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
