The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
