My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
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I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
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I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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