I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Randomize
