Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Randomize
