It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
