Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
