can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
