There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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