i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
