She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
