I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
