What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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