Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
