Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
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