Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
