Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize