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I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Randomize
