There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
