So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
