i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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