This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Randomize
