I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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