Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
