remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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