i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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