I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
dude. I can hear the air.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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