I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
