So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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