In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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