I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
