Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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