i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Randomize
