Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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