Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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