Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
why do cheetos always look like penises
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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