I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
