I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
