she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Randomize
