I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
