i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
