he was CRYING into my vagina
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Randomize
