I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
