you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
