your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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