im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
