Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
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