the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
