I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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