kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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