everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
