why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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