There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
