he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
