My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
