All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Randomize
