So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
