Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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