I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
