I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
